TV Season Finales: The 5 Stages of Grief

Guys, how did people survive before television series existed?

I understand having family and friends and card games and farming and all that for entertainment, but how did they do it? What exactly were people talking about before their favorite girl didn’t get a rose. What were they doing when guessing who “The Mother” was, wasn’t an option. How did people experience anticipation before they had the chance to guess who “A” was. Who exactly did they think was going to fix their problems before Olivia Pope came into the world. What fears even existed before The Walking Dead didn’t seem like a reality. These are my questions.

Personally, I would rather answer my mother’s “Call me.” texts or actually check my bank account before missing an episode of Scandal or Mad Men. While this might just be me and me alone, I highly doubt it is. Now I don’t typically have time to sit down every other night of the week from 9-11pm and watch the new episodes live, that’s true. But is there any better feeling than crawling into bed at 1am and illegally streaming the most recent episodes of Revenge and Modern Family? (The answer is no, because NO there is not.)

Sadly, we are all well on our way to moving back into the dark ages of having no television: Summer.

Believe me, I get it. I am accustomed to dealing with the loss of your favorite television series. I can relate to the feeling of abandonment when your best friend(s) (Norman Bates, Barney Stinson, Walter White, Jessica Day) desert you for an entire summer. I couldn’t better understand that combination of fear and fury and anguish all at the same time when you see those horrible words: Season finale.

Here are the five steps you will encounter while dealing with the loss of [insert your kryptonite show here] this summer:

Denial

“WHAT? No, this isn’t actually the season finale right? I think it means next week’s episode. The television network must be mistaken. I’ve only been watching new episodes for what feels like a couple of weeks, how is it already over? No. I’m just confused. The show must be taking a week break and not the entire three months. It’s not actually ending. No, no, no. We just found out that she’s pregnant, they wouldn’t just leave us hanging with that information. I bet they are just taking a short break because the star is pregnant or the supporting actor is in rehab. It will be back before I know it. Actually, isn’t it a holiday next week? THAT’S why the episode isn’t new. Obviously.”

Anger

“SERIOUSLY? How exactly am I supposed to spend my Thursday nights now, ABC. HOW? The nerve of some people. Who does Shonda Rhimes think she is? I hate this stupid show anyway. I’m never watching it again. It’s not even entertaining. Everything is unrealistic and stupid. That many good looking people would never exist in one place anyway. Him dating her? Please. I knew it had to be fake. I’m glad it’s over. I never wanted to know what happened with him anyway. And we all know they clearly were never going to get together, it would have ruined this stupid plot anyway. Idiot writers. I should write the show, people would probably like it better anyway. What kind of sick joke is this?”

Bargaining

“OKAY. You know, what if the episodes this summer were strictly informational? No big car wrecks or pregnancies or murders. Just our characters living their everyday lives. I always wanted to see what Meredith Grey is doing on an a Tuesday afternoon, or hear a typical phone call between Olivia Pope and her dad (without death threats). Or maybe we should all write letters to the writer? ‘I vow to work out for every new episode.’ could change their minds, right? Maybe I should start watching the other show they write. I mean work with me here, there’s got to be a similar show that is actually going to be running this summer that I can get some sort of fix on. Someone, anyone, what can we do?”

Depression

“I CAN’T. My life is over. Is the show getting cancelled all together? It might as well be, since my life is. I won’t even remember the characters in three months. What was all this time spent watching TV for? Maybe I’ll go read a book or throw myself off a bridge. I can’t even. I have nothing left to give. Excuse me while I spend me summer nights inside watching my blank and empty television, like my heart. What’s the point? Why was television invented in the first place, to get me attached to all of these people only to have them ripped away from me for three months at a time? I don’t get it. It’s like suddenly all of my friends have stopped talking to me. Why watch any TV if I can’t watch my show?”

Acceptance

“ALRIGHT. Fine. I guess I will wait until the fall. I realize that the actors need a break too and I can’t necessarily watch my show every week for 52 weeks, as much as I would like to. I may die in anticipation and I will watch the last season as the days near closer to the season premiere in September, but I will make it through. Do I have a real option, anyway? Clearly not. Because you own me, TV. I get it, you own me. And I will play your sick little game, only because I love it all so much and I really need to see what happens with the whole ‘I’m having a baby but I’m not sure whose it is, also I’m in love with your twin brother because he gave me his liver’ thing.“

I know everyone, it’s hard, but we can make it through this drought of TV together. Thankfully, Netflix has provided us with the chance to start all new shows we can start watching in addition to our usuals. Netflix also has hundreds of movies that, while no one wants to watch, can fill a void when you are trying to fall asleep. Lean on your friends, for they too are feeling the loss.

Together we can overcome this treacherous season without our beloved shows, and learn to enjoy the outdoors and our real life friends (somehow).