me & my nightstand

I almost always sleep and I nearly never rest 
while she sits patiently at my bedside, cloaked in (my) chaos

Politely watching me twist and turn,
dangling my potential relief like a carrot I can’t see.
Pillows filled & fluffed with flattened hope
Turns out she’s banishing dreams to the confines of my rem cycle,
but are nightmare catchers a thing?

See how much I put on her! See how much she can hold!
Within reason, of course — her edges are finite and dread can get bulky
Books (never started), notebooks (never inked), water (never sipped),
the clock’s judgy little hands waving “omg hi!!!!!” 
each and every hour I roll. Capsules full of
‘maybe this will help’ next to bottles of ‘ha yeah right’.

She rattles underneath a hundred snoozes in the sunshine
Unsure why I can’t set a boundary with my cell phone or friends or job, or self,
jealous of her identical twin sister, never responsible
for anyone except those suffocating sweet dust bunnies.

My #1!!!!! My best friend/enemy, lover/stranger, critic/empath
Mocking me, I’m sure; exhausted, I’m sure; very much sick (I’m sure) 
of the way that I almost always sleep, and I nearly never rest.